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|Thursday, June 25th, 2009|
funny, but true...
Excuse the spelling and grammar errors, they're not mine...
see more Funny Graphs
Though granted, sometimes people aren't trying to argue against your childfreedom--they just don't know about it, and say presumptuous things like this. Anyone have an experience to share? I'll go first:
A couple of weeks ago, my fiancé and I went to the dedication for the child that my cousins just adopted. (See, we don't hate kids! Lol.) We ran into an old family friend that hadn't met my fiancé yet, and we ended up in the buffet line next to her. After telling us that we looked like brother and sister (yeah, we kinda do...), she laughed and said, "Well, I guess you know what your kids will look like!"
We were both silent, not sure how to even go about explaining--sigh, hyper-religious people of the marriage-is-for-babymakin'-strain, and not wanting to make a scene at someone else's major life event--and before we could come up with anything we ended up getting split up to go through different lines.
Cross-posted to cf_christians
|Friday, March 27th, 2009|
an interesting incident from a job interview
Adapted (for privacy) from a personal journal entry, and x-posted to cf_christians
For context: after a shamefully long period of unemployment, I was finally hired today. =D
...I did interview for another job on the same day, and I kind of hoped that I'd get that one instead, but it didn't work out like that. Oh well. Interesting thing that happened at the interview, though--the woman asked me if I had any kids. This right after saying that the job was flexible for those who had kids at home, needed to call in because they were sick, etc. Of course I told her no, thinking that that would be an asset to me since my not having kids means they're not going to detract from work. I was going to tack on that I wasn't married yet--which is not the point, since my fiancé aren't having kids even when we are married, but most of the time when a stranger is getting too nosy, this will quiet them down, because they're not going to encourage you to go into single motherhood. =P But this woman was one of those that won't let you get in a word edgewise (this is important)--other than asking when I could expect to hear from her, and how much it paid, I don't think I got to say anything more than two or three words at a time.
Well, anyway, I must have been a bit too enthusiastic for her tastes, because she was like, "Well, you're saying that like you don't want them!" Which I don't, but I couldn't interject that. She then went on to say that her own daughter (who, I gathered, is around my age or a bit younger) is still in the "puppy stage"--"She thinks it'll be easier to have a puppy than kids!"
I just kind of laughed that off, but really, if a dog is more work than a kid...YOU'RE DOING SOMETHING WRONG. I don't know if you're neglecting your kid or spoiling your dog rotten, but either way something is warped! So the daughter is Actually Quite Right in thinking that, IMHO.
Also, I was kind of shocked that she carried on with it--I can understand the question as it is relevant to a job (yes, I know, technically it's not legal to ask about an employee's personal life, etc etc, but I don't mind being asked to an extent, if it actually pertains to availability or whatnot), but to comment on a HIGHLY personal choice--assuming I've made the typical one, assuming I CAN make the typical one and don't have fertility issuse--IDK. It just irked me. And then calling it a stage
like I'll grow out of it!! >_<
Earlier today I ran across an LJ entry by a friend of mine. She was talking about starting a petition to make "Why are you single?" one of the socially unacceptable questions, like asking a stranger when she's due, or asking a woman her age. I think any questions about when a couple is going to have kids should be off-limits as well. She was talking about how the "why are you single?" thing is usually well-meant ("You're so cool/funny/awesome, I can't understand why no man has snatched you up!"), but it makes the person being asked think over the last painful breakup, or think that maybe there IS something wrong with them, etc. "When are you having kids?" is similar in that the asker has no idea about the circumstances--the person being asked may want them and not be able to have them, and be touchy about it, or maybe the couple is waiting to be in a better place financially, or like me, may just plain not think kids are the be-all, end-all of human existence. The thing of it is, it's not really their business why, and besides that, they're running the risk of bringing up a very painful subject in some cases. No, we don't have any kids. Period. That should be the end of it.
A) Does this qualify as a bingo? If so it'll be the first one I've gotten from a stranger!
B) Would you sign that petition? ^_-
C) Any other thoughts? I would really like to see more discussion going on around here!!
|Saturday, July 5th, 2008|
I have recently been regularly sexually active since I was diagnosed with PCOS two years ago. I know this is risky, especially for those without PCOS, but we have been practicing pull out method. Although, I need to clarify that I am in a serious relationship with my partner and we did originally use condoms, until we were clear for STDs. I have been on BCP in the past, before I was diagnosed and they made me too emotional. I figured since I have infertility issues coupled with the withdrawl method that I should be low risk, but of course I am having anxiety about the small possibility of getting pregnant which absolutely makes me shudder. I really do not want to have to go on BC pills, but I am thinking that may be my best option. What does someone else suggest given our lower rate of getting pregnant but still needing some contraception and if BCP are the only reliable method, which kind would you recommend for PCOS? I should also add that my partner is also looking to get a vasectomy, but we need something in the mean time.
|Thursday, June 12th, 2008|
|Saturday, May 31st, 2008|
sure to be bingo-licious
I'm headed out to my family reunion tomorrow morning, and I'm going to be seeing a lot of relatives that I haven't really seen or talked to much since our grandmother died three years ago--in other words, since I've made the conscious decision to be childfree. Most of my cousins (all but three plus myself) are breeders and one just started taking in foster children on top of her own brood of four, and my family isn't the most liberal group out there, so I'm kind of dreading it--I have a feeling that I'm going to be "outed" and it's not going to be fun.
Even if it doesn't come up, I still have to deal with all the kids. -_-* Technically the reunion started tonight and isn't over until Monday, but I'll be arriving tomorrow around lunchtime and leaving Sunday afternoon. 36 hours will be more than enough. I'm taking some books and hoping the kids will want to be outside the whole time (luckily I'm not much of one for sunshine, lol).
Now, I'm not going to be antagonistic, but I HAVE saved this bingo card
to my desktop, and if it comes up, I WILL actively be keeping score. ^_^
So I'm curious--how do you deal with your extended family's opinions of your childfreedom, especially when they criticize you? I have a couple of snappy comebacks ready just in case, but I'd love to hear new ones! Also, if you have someone (CF or otherwise) who has your back in these sort of situations, I want to know. One of my sisters has decided that she just plain doesn't want marriage or a relationship, so she totally understands how hard it is to go against the grain in our family, and she was texting me today asking when I was going to get there. Hehe.
x-posted to cf_christians Current Mood: busy
|Thursday, May 22nd, 2008|
CF PWNAGE. Score!
Modified and x-posted from my personal journal and to cf_christians
(Blah blah blah, clarifying to the flist what childfreedom is...)
Anyway. Having been none too pleased with the RL opportunities that have crossed my path, and having been directed to a 100% free dating site
, I've ventured back into online dating. Now, among other things on your profile, there's an option you can check as to how you feel about kids: yes, do not want kids, undecided/open. I'll only message guys in the latter two, but I don't stop kid-wanters from messaging me. I figure if they see that and message me anyway they're not too serious about it, but I'd definitely ask before things got too far.
Anyway, I was checking my messages tonight and got my first onsite IM. Of course as soon as it popped up I was checking out the guy's profile, and he fit the basics (nonsmoker, Christian, right age, etc), but it was riddled with typos and we didn't seem to have any interests in common. Still, he had expressed interest so I was trying to be polite, 'cause hey, you never know.
Well, his IM spelling/grammar was no better than his profile so I was pretty quick to see that it was going to go nowhere fast. I can forgive typos and certain misspellings if effort is being made, but he told me he was at the age where it's difficult to meet girls thusly: "i am at that age know whar it is defrclt to find agirl" Copied-and-pasted. Ouch. And he was trying to tell me how smart he was, because my profile says I'm looking for a geeky guy. I asked him three times what his favorite book was and he never answered.
I put up that I drink and he was looking for a nondrinker, but he asked how much and he said it was fine. Then I noticed he only wanted to date girls who live on their own. Meep, that set off alarm bells. At the end, I saw my golden window: Wants kids: yes
(lots of pasted poor grammar and spelling ensue)
rena_librarian: so why would you only date a girl who lived by herself?
DatingSiteGuy: so that way she could take me to her house and it would just be us
rena_librarian: you live at home?
DatingSiteGuy: avry girl i dated lived with her parints and never drove
DatingSiteGuy: a i stell live with my mom and dad
...yeah, I think he was looking for sex. Just a hunch. So I brought up the kids thing:
rena_librarian: ...your profile says you want kids
DatingSiteGuy: yes i love kids
rena_librarian: I don't want kids
rena_librarian: it's on my profile
DatingSiteGuy: well thats you
rena_librarian: haha, yeah, but I wouldn't want to date a guy who definitely wanted to have them someday
DatingSiteGuy: you have not playd with any kids be for have you
rena_librarian: actually, I have seven neices and nephews, and a goddaughter
rena_librarian: not to mention 15+ younger cousins
rena_librarian: and church kids
rena_librarian: and kids when I was a junior counselor at a summer camp
...I was rather proud of myself. I still tried to be nice though, I don't figure anyone likes to be shot down any more than I do. If there's someone out there for me, there's someone out there for him, too. Just...not me.
rena_librarian: kids are okay in small doses, when they're someone else's and I can send them home when they get whiny/cranky
rena_librarian: but I wouldn't want to live with them
DatingSiteGuy: and i would not mined dating a person who has kinds
rena_librarian: maybe you should put that in your profile; there's a lot of single moms who have a hard time finding a date
DatingSiteGuy: your right
rena_librarian: so I don't think you and me would make a good match
rena_librarian: but good luck
So yeah. I think that officially counts as my first bingo
from a stranger. Family is one thing, and I can even understand Crazy Betty from work, but that was just...wow.
And a thought: Why do people retort with "You'll change your mind when you have one and hold it in your arms!" When is that going to be if I've decided never to have them? *scratches head in puzzlement* Current Mood: amused
|Sunday, November 18th, 2007|
So, let's see...most of you start off with saying when you were diagnosed, etc... Current Mood: pleased
|Sunday, July 29th, 2007|
I have PCOS, and I am childfree by choice.
On the 26th of this month, at the age of 27 (almost 28) I finally managed to get a tubal ligation!
I also, at the recommendation of my gynecologist, got my ovaries drilled. Most of the info I see is about treating infertility, but he said it helps with PCOS symptoms as well. Here's hoping, since the metformin made me all kinds of crazy. :/
Has anyone here tried ovarian drilling? Did it help any? What sort of side effects did you suffer?
I've been in a lot of pain and really nauseous since the procedure. It has only been a couple of days though, so I'm not concerned yet. It's nothing compared to the back surgery I had in Feb.( my battle with the medical establishment, PCOS, and finally, freedom!Collapse )
|Wednesday, June 20th, 2007|
Writing to ask what people's thoughts are or experiences with the Mirena IUD have been. I got a DepoProvera shot. It did not stop my bleeding. I now have INCREDIBLE mood swings and homocidal as well as the previous trouble with depression and the trouble with weight loss. I am absolutely DESPERATE to STOP the bleeding. A couple of years ago I bled and clotted for 4 months straight and I would literally kill myself if that happens again. I'm not interested in anything but that end: the bleeding MUST stop. That said, the doctors don't seem especially concerned that this is an issue. I, however, will have to DEMAND action if it goes on much longer. I was not warned that Depo would/could cause MORE bleeding (aside from the out-of-control emotions).
So, a friend suggested getting the Mirena IUD once the Depo wears off. The doctor wouldn't have even =suggested= it to me if I hadn't brought it up; he even brought up hysterectomy before I mentioned the Mirena. Then he brought in a brochure (?). My friend, who is a nurse practitioner, said there are less symptoms and less bleeding sooner, thogh the first couple weeks there might be blood. Is anyone using this or do you know of someome who has? I hope to get the Mirena in August rather than renew the DepoProvera crap.
I have more faith in the thoughts and suggestions of women who have experienced this than the doctors at this point. Thank you for any and all responses.
Crossed to: PCOS, PCOSsupport and PCOSchildfree
|Friday, May 18th, 2007|
IUD problems possibly PCOS related?
The setup: I just got my Paragard IUD on Wednesday. I'm on metformin and accomplia for my PCOS. I have been on several vareities of birth control (pills, depo, the ring) and as a result have not had a 'real' period in almost 9 years. I also haven't had any sort of period since September.
The question/problem: I was in a ton of pain my first day and then it died off the second and now is touch and go in my third day. My concern is that I keep having cold sweats, shakes, and dizziness. I'm bleeding at a light to medium flow. What I'm trying to figure out is if I'm having a reaction to the IUD (I'm not allergic to anything in it that we know of) or if this is just me having a period for the first time in nine years and my body not taking it so well. It passed my mind that maybe I'm low on iron or something that is what is making me feel dizzy. I was wondering if anyone else has gone through this. My doctor's office is closed and there aren't any local ask-a-nurse lines. Any help is appreciated.
x-posted to IUD_Divas
|Monday, April 30th, 2007|
adding metformin to the mix
So, about a month ago, I went to an endocrinologist for the first time, and he diagnosed me with PCOS. Pretty much my only symptoms were elevated DHEA and testosterone levels, which led to irregular periods (I skip months) and hair loss.
The doctor recommended I go on the pill to regulate my period, but I have an IUD, and don't really care if I get a period every month, so he prescribed Spironolactone instead for the hormone levels and hair loss.
Now I've gotten my first period with the Spironolactone, and it's going on week two. It seemed like a normal period for a week, and then I thought it ended, but I've been spotting for over another week now.
I called the endocrinologist, and the NP said that I should start taking Metformin now, too, to regulate my period. And that I should get more bloodwork done, and have an ultrasound.
I'm starting to feel like a real sick person! ALL I care about (vain as it may be) is that my hair stops falling out all over the place. Is all this medicine REALLY worth it?
I'm hoping I'll start taking it, and I'll stop spotting and maybe lose some weight, and all will be well with the world.
But I'm afraid I'll start taking it, and have cramps and diarhea and god knows what with my period. I've also read that it can make hair loss even WORSE.
I could understand all this if my insulin levels were off. Or if I was trying to conceive. But my insulin and all that is fine, and I was rather ENJOYING my impaired fertility.
Anyone have any words of encouragement?
|Friday, April 27th, 2007|
i started on 50mg of sprinolactone about 3 - 4 wks ago and i think it might be affecting my period??
im not sure but whoevers not grossed out and think they might know... here are the
|Wednesday, April 18th, 2007|
Hello! I didn't know this community existed! But I'm glad it does. I hate boasting about my infertility in non-cf communities. I feel bad when people who can't get pregnant when they actually want to comment and are sad. Like I'm rubbing it in their face or something.
Anyhoo, my first endocrinologist appointment was two weeks ago, and based on my DHEA level being more than twice the normal upper limit, and my other male hormones being on the high end, he said that I probably
have PCOS. I went back today after he did some more bloodwork, and unfortunately I only spoke to the nurse, and am suffering a random terrible ear infection and was not interested in asking lots of questions while I was there, so I still don't know for sure if I actually have it. Although the doctor really seemed to think so last time, and the nurse didn't say anything different. I sort of wish they would have just called so I wouldn't have had to come in for them to just say "everything the same? ok then."
My only symptoms really are irregular period (too few, not too many), and hair loss like crazy. I have also noticed that since I went off the pill (I got a non-hormonal IUD, which I love) I've been feeling very bored and demotivated all the time, but I'm not entirely sure that that's related. I feel very lucky to have found the doctor I did! I was sort of expecting a big crazy fertility talk, but I told him that I am childfree and that I am basically only concerned about the hair loss, and he said "OK. Then we'll only worry about the hair loss." So yay to that.
He prescribed Spironolactone for the hair loss. I've only been taking it for two weeks, so I guess we'll wait and see about the results.
So anyways, I just wanted to say hello. I'm sure I'll be posting again in the future...
|Wednesday, February 28th, 2007|
hey, i got my blood test results back... but i wont be seein an endo for maybe a month so i was wondering if anyone on here could decipher for them for me? tell me if anythings out of the normal range or whatever? im 18 if it matters
DHEA, unconjugated - 564
FSH - 4.3
Insulin - 4
LH - 3.2
Prolactin - 8.2
T-4, Free - 1.2 (Reference range 0.9 - 1.4)
Testosterone, Total - 46
TSH - 0.81
|Friday, February 23rd, 2007|
Last October, I had a CT scan with contrast done. The technician asked me several questions, and the following conversation occured:
her: Do you have diabetes?
me: No, but I have insulin resistance?
her: What do you take for your diabetes?
me: I'm starting metformin next week.
her: Make sure you don't take your diabetes medication for three days after this procedure to make sure the dye is out of your system. If they mix, it could cause major medical problems.
I'd never had this done before, and this was her job, so I figured she knew what she was talking about as far as the CT procedure went. It also went with what my endo and GPs have said, which is that IR is pre-diabetes and metformin is a diabetes drug.
So I have to have this procedure done again, and I called the radiation place to schedule an appointment. The receptionist asked if I had diabetes. I said "No, but I have insulin resistance and take metformin." She got very confused and said she just needed a yes or no answer, and I said it was a sort of about having diabetes since insulin resistance is a pre-diabetic condition and that metformin is a diabetes medication. She said since she'd never heard of either insulin resistance or metformin, there shouldn't be a problem. I told her I'd had it done before and what the tech had said about about the chemicals mixing and yadda yadda. She repeated that she'd never heard of them, asked around her office about them, and couldn't find anyone else in the office who had, so I had to ask my GP about when I should stop taking and restarting my metformin.
Was there a better way I could have handled that, something else I could have said? I know it could have been her second day or something, but I felt really dumb or like I'd been giving her TMI. I have emailed my GP about stopping and restarting and her word is what I'll go by, but I'd love advice and experiences too. Thanks everybody. Xposted and all.
|Wednesday, February 21st, 2007|
are painful periods (when you do menstruate) because of pcos? or does pcos maybe contribute to the pain?
after i first started menstruating my period stopped for a year and thats when i went to see an endo and became regular with the help of medicines for the past 3 years. im not on medicine anymore, i stopped after a few months when i was able to get my period without it, but the first period i got after it started again lasted for 15 days and was really heavy and painful, after that it went back down to 5 - 7 days but its still painful to the point where im practically bed-ridden for at least a day or 2, it wasnt like that before my periods stopped so im just wondering if it has anything to do with it.
|Sunday, February 18th, 2007|
I was going to hold off on making this post a while but I think it is time. I didn't want to be premature, but I have to say from experience now, having a tubal ligation has lessened my cyst rupturing pain and PMS migraines. I figured this is something worth posting to my fellow childfree sisters.
In late September of last year I had the tubal done. It was relatively painless. I went in for outpatient surgery and before I knew it, I was in recovery. The only problems I had was a bit of dizziness afterwards, but it was the first time I'd ever gone under anesthesia and I think that was expected.
Anyway, typically speaking over the last several years I have often had blinding left hip pain before my period. My doctors and I determined the cysts were worse on my left ovary and thus bursting and leeching, causing me to feel as though I was being stabbed by a sharp object.
Then to top all that off, I'd have a blinding PMS migraine at least every other month, if not every month, of the last year.
It has now been five months since I have been off the Pill (thanks to the tubal) and I'm happy to say that I have had neither of the above.
I believe that stopping the hormones I was getting from the Pill is the reason why things have gotten to much better. And I've lost weight much easier too. Go figure.
I recommend having this procedure highly now. As a 32 year old woman who knew she didn't want to have children, and a husband who felt the same, it just was the most prudent thing to do. I wanted to get that extra estrogen out of my body and now I know it helped! :) Current Mood: happy
im ready to do something about my hair growth outside of the doctors because the medicines they have given me for the hair didnt help. i asked here before about what yall recommend and i heard a lot about laser. but i know laser needs several treatments to work and then after a few years the hair comes back, i was thinking about electrolysis but i heard it may leave scars and my skin is sensitive so im worried about that. any experience? and i dont even know how much ill be able to do coz both laser and electrolysis are very expensive and ive only heard about facial hair in this community, so i dont know if this is a normal pcos thing but mine isnt only on my face :( its in many different places on my body and its getting worse. so laser/electrolysis on many areas and several treatments will be very expensive so when i saw this www.nevershaveagain.com
i was kinda interested. I kno it looks like those scams but it says theres a medical journal publiced in the library and then on the side they explain how it works and it seems reasonable and they also have clinical studies and say its doctor tested. has anyone tried this or have any opinion about it? its called "finally free hair removal"
thanks a lot
|Thursday, February 15th, 2007|
Free Like New Uterus to a Good Home
That would be the answer to one of my biggest problems. And someone else's too. They can transplant nearly any major organ. Why not a uterus? I would totally give up my uterus to a woman who wanted children but had a bad uterus. I don't want kids but hey feel free to fuck up your own. Why not? But I suppose I will never be so lucky. I got back my pelvic ultrasound results. Nada. Damn't, why must I suffer through a period when I am already sterilized? It's needless misery. Especially with my cramps being so bad lately. *sigh* What can I do though? I'm a really bad liar so I don't want to go back to the doctor complaining. Apparently my PCOS isn't enough. Damn't. With my mom just barely starting menopause at 49, it gives me 20+ more years of misery.
And on that subject, one of my old doctor's said if I lose weight, it would help to regulate my crazy period. Ok, nice theory but in high school/college when I weighed nearly 100 pounds less then I do now, it was crazy. Now all of a sudden I gain 30 pounds and it is so regular that I can practically pinpoint the minute it will start. Whatever. I don't think doctor's know as much about PCOS as they would like to think.
Anyway, just had to get that off my chest.